I do try to live in the realm of what George Vaillant termed mature ego mechanisms of defense whenever possible. These include:
1. Sublimation - transformation of negative emotions or instincts into positive actions, behavior, or emotion
2. Altruism - constructive service to others that brings pleasure and personal satisfaction
3. Suppression - the conscious decision to delay paying attention to an emotion or need in order to cope with the present reality; able to later access the emotion and accept it.
4. Anticipation - realistic planning for future discomfort
5. Humor - overt expression of ideas and feelings (especially those that are unpleasant to focus on or too terrible to talk about) that gives pleasure to others.
I dabble in all of these, but recently I had reason to pause. Maybe I am not as altruistic as I would like to think. I lent some of my things out, and I was very put out by how unthankful the recipients were. For it to be altruism, I should be doing it for the pleasure of giving, rather than for any short term rewards i might receive, and yet, there I was, bent out of shape to be taken for granted. it wasn't until I had finally gotten the borrowed items back and put them away (no easy task) that I finally got over it. So maybe I am just nice, but not mature.
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