I read this as part of a leadership training course, and it was kind of surprising to me that I had not been assigned to read it before--I have had some very high quality leadership training over the years, and this is a pretty widely used book.
A difficult conversation is one that you find hard to start and/or stay in, and that is a good place to start, how do you make such an interaction go well. It starts with trying to be what they call "the third story", meaning that there are three points of view in any conversation that involves controversy--your story, the other party's story, and the independent mediator's story--try to start with the third story.
That helps to avoid some aspects of the three conversations you could be having if you start with your story. They are:
The “What Happened?” Conversation
The Feelings Conversation
The Identity Conversation
Far better to start from a neutral point, and keep feelings and challenging your and the other person's identity.
I think this is very good advice, and can be used in personal conversations with loved ones and in work conversations that involve delivering bad news, or information that will not be well received.
One example in the book that I thought was fraught with challenges is one where friends do business together, and they have a falling out over what happened, why it happened, and who played what role. I came away feeling that it was far better to avoid business arrangements with friends if it involves money or prestige.
This is well worth reading, especially if you are one to avoid such conversations. It really could help.
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