The Art of Marriage

It is my parent's 55th wedding anniversary today, and my eldest son will be married in two days--so it gave me pause to think about marriage. I am a proponent of long term relationships and I firmly believe that raising a child should involve at least two people, more if possible. So once you involve a child in a relationship, you owe it to that child to attend to their needs above all else. But marriage is not something I spend a lot of time thinking about, despite my many years of participation in the sport. Staying married is a dance between tolerance and compromise. There are many things that I naively thought would change about my spouse at the front end of our relationship--that never happened. Instead, one develops a tolerance for those things that one would change, and perhaps hones in on the item or two that really need attention or the relationship is going down. Compromise is the next key ingredient. I do not mean giving in--I mean compromise, that art of actually being happy with something than is less than what you first desired. The best is if you and your spouse mostly agree-that makes compromise less frequent, and the achievement of happiness more likely. But differences will arise, and often at times that are stressful. My spouse and I did not initially agree on what to do related to treatment for our youngest son's cancer many years ago. Not a low stakes disagreement, and one where we had to reach a compromise or it would be potentially disastrous for our partnership--not to mention a burden on our children to have parents at odds over something that was so frightening for them. It takes a lot to compromise. You have to bring love, trust, respect, and the notion that you may not be right to the table, and be willing to leave with a solution that is not of your making. So going forward in my son's life, I wish he and his wife all the successful ingredients to long term happiness with each other and the commitment to make it happen for them. Bon Voyage!