The End of Grieving

Well, it has been a year. We have had our last “first” holiday without my dad. He was at our table last year at our Thanksgiving celebration, although he arrived in a wheelchair van and struggled to stay awake, he told me again and again how grateful he was that he could be there with us. Life was not normal for him, so the ability to be in places he had been umpteen times was ever more important to him. The hardest part for him was that while his mind was sharp, his body was failing, and it was very hard for him to accept. Not long after Thanksgiving, he agreed to enter hospice, all the while saying he was not ready to die, but it was only a matter of days later that he did. According to tradition, it is time to set mourning aside at the one year mark and move forward with your life. On the one hand, I am 100% in agreement with this plan—never forget, but life is for the living. My dad is for sure alive in my youngest grandchild, who races through the house with glee in a way that I could envision my father doing over eight decades earlier, but it is the reminders and the memories now. I will never again argue with my dad about what we do and do not agree about. I can never ask him what he thinks about something or what he would do—I have to figure it out based on what I know. I wasn’t prepared for how sad it was going to be to let go, but I am making progress on that. Here’s hoping the hardest part is behind me.

A Fever In The Heartland by Timothy Egan

This is a highly readable and altogether horrifying chronicle of how the early-20th-century Klan resurrected itself following decades of dormancy; how it obtained millions of converts, not only in the South but throughout the country; and how, by the 1920s, it had infiltrated all levels of the U.S. government. But it is also a terrifying study of one particular Klan leader — a rapist and bigot who managed, in a matter of years, to acquire a vast popular following and to become the unelected boss of Indiana politics, all while formulating plans to propel himself to the White House. D.C. Stephenson, born in Texas, was a drifter with an amoral entrepreneurial streak, and he found himself in Evansville, Ind., in the early ’20s, a moment when the national Ku Klux Klan was rapidly expanding and seeking inroads in Northern states. Stephenson was hired by a Klan recruiter to infiltrate Indiana for the Ku Klux Klan. He fulfilled this plan with shocking speed. The Klan’s agenda of white supremacy turned out to be all too popular among Hoosiers, who began joining the terrorist group en masse. Many institutions — especially Protestant churches, whose ministers the Klan bribed — were quickly co-opted. Within years, the Klan had members at all levels of government, and controlled law enforcement. And this hate-filled reign might have continued if not for the decision of Madge Oberholtzer, who was raped by Stephenson in 1925, to speak out. Her bravery set in motion a trial and conviction that ensured that Stephenson would spend decades in prison. The Klan was humiliated in the eyes of the public, and its power in Indiana began to wane. Could it happen again--or worse yet--has it happened again? The current GOP candidate for president is an avowed racist, a convicted rapist, and a felon who has vowed to use the Department of Justice to exact revenge on those who he feels have wronged him, so the answer is yes, it very much could happen again.

The Plated Table, Iowa City, Iowa

It is hard to put a finger on what exactly to call this place. They opened in a beautifully renovated space that used to be a very good lunch place that they have transformed into an elegant combination of a wine shop with imported tinned seafood for sale, a caterer that makes a different meal for pick up and finish cooking at home, and an event space where you can have a fancy meal in an eqully fancy space. I was recently at a fund raiser that they put on and in order to attend the dinner I had to pass up on the soft opening of a restaurant that we invested in. We do not do this as a rule, and we love the much anticipated experience of being the first feet in the door. So it was hard to say no to that, but we did. We were not disappointed. The menu was delicious from start to finish, with quality ingredients, good champagne, and a wonderful overall meal. I would recommend it highly, and hope to come back for a future event. Give it a try for an evening of wine or better yet, a full meal.

Creation Lake by Rachel Kushner

I read this because it is short listed for the 2024 Booker Prize, and it was not my favorite book that I read on that list. The author is an excellent one, and her previous book is on the New York Times 100 Best Books of the 21st Century, so it is entirely possible that I did not get this book and that others might enjoy it more than I did. This is a bit of a spy thriller, but the tension level is not what you would expect if you are a reader of that genre. Bruno Lacombe, in his youth an ally of the 1960s revolutionary intellectual Guy Debord, is now self-exiled to a cave complex in the limestone regions of southern France. The caves vanished inhabitants obsess him (as they do me, if the truth be told) and that is a side note in the book. Since the Neanderthal extinction, “the wedge between human beings and nature” has become “far deeper than the wedge between factory owners and factory workers that created the conditions of twentieth century life”. The left, he believes, needs to properly understand this--this is not my personal obsession. Mine has to do with the deep and ancient motivation that man has to make art, and how that connects us across cultures and across millennia. Meanwhile, shadowy French authorities have decided that Lacombe and the Moulinards – the post-Debordian eco-commune he mentors by email – need to be steered out of their less than utopian rural domesticity and towards some act of serious terrorism, so they can be dealt with. So they hire Sadie Smith, a freelance American spy-cop, to infiltrate and provoke an outrage. The situation Sadie finds on the ground is confused and intersectional, centered on a real-life green issue: the diversion of local water supplies into vast “mega-basins” to support corporate agribusiness projects at the expense of the local farmers and the environment. Actors within and without the Moulinard commune, less in bad or good faith than in something shifting constantly between the two, all have their motives for protest or intervention. Suffice it to say the agitation gets somewhat bogged down and the spy is not the charmer you might hope her to be. I am interested to talk with someone who loved this book to see what I missed.

Your Body, My Choice

This is the mantra that flooded X after the 2024 election, and while I hate almost everything about it, the thing I love is that it makes it crystal clear that the agenda is NOT "pro-life" or even "pro-birth" (because afterall, the GOP agenda is about not supporting life after birth), it is about power and control over women. Period. Any talk of when life begins and what various religions might and might not support or prohibit is just a distraction, a way to put a pretty bow on an ugly message, which is that men who are attracted to the GOP messaging want to have power and control over women. No wonder it is causing trouble in people's homes. Nobody wants to be a slave to anybody, and the impulse to control people is in itself very unattractive. But at least now it is out there on the table for all to see. This is what you voted for and this is what you want. Is it any wonder that many of us are upset to find out that over half the voting public wants this?

Lies and Wedding by Kevin Kwan

I read a review that stated "If you liked Crazy Rich Asians, you will enjoy this", and while I did not read the book I did watch the movie, and if there is a correlation between them, that would be an accurate perception. There is a similar vibe, with conspicuous transnational consumption and love against the odds. The basic template is familiar-- Hong Kong-born Arabella, the Countess of Greshamsbury, has made it her mission in life to arrange advantageous dynastic marriages for her three English Chinese children. She is particularly keen on landing a princess for her only son and heir, a hot wannabe artist named Rufus. In Arabella’s path lie three formidable obstacles, none of which she yet knows about. Her global chain of luxury hotels is mortgaged to the brink. Decades of unchecked family spending have emptied the Gresham trusts. And Rufus has long since consecrated his heart to the girl next door: Eden Tong, daughter of the Gresham family doctor and a kind and conscientious physician herself. She is also the only not-rich person in the entire book, which makes her by default its heroine. The story unfolds over a predictable but enjoyable trajectory, a romantic comedy that ends well, and it is light and enjoyable.

The Quilted Jacket

I cannot say enough great things about the workshop that I took with Sandra Lee Designs to learn how to make a quilted jacket. Sandra is a phenomenal teacher, and I would travel again to take a class with her, she is just so talented and so fun, and at the end of the day, everyone in the class ends up with a beautiful jacket because she knows how to make that happen. I got into this because I had so much fun at my first QuiltCon that I knew I had to go back, and ideally I wanted to go back with the woman who taught me that any amateur with a credit card and some foreplanning could attend this spectacular event. So sign up again I did. I say it was her idea and she says it was mine, but somewhere along the road to going back we agreed that we should each make a jacket that would scream "We are going to QuiltCon" to those in the know. I think it was her, because basically, I cannot sew. Not in the third dimension at least, and that is definitely a skill you need to pull of the quilted jacket. So when I caught wind of this class, I knew I had to make it work for me to attend, and I am so glad I did! I brought a quilt that I had made 30 years ago that was so damaged I did not feel up to the task of repairing it--so I cut it up, sewed it back together, and voila! A jacket emerged!

Held by Anne Michaels

This was short listed for the 2024 Booker Prize, and as so often happens to me, I like some of the books that were long listed better than those that make the cut. To be fair, I am pretty sure there is beauty here that I just did not get--it is written by a poet, and that is very evident in the structure and cadence of the book. I am just not someone who much appreciates poetry--my spouse and I have put it on our list of things to do when we retire, but at this point, we still work full time. The scenes in the book loop back and forwards from 1902 through to 2025. Locations shift from a battlefield in first world war France to North Yorkshire, London, Belarus and various war zones. John was grievously wounded in the first world war. Alan is a war photographer. His partner, Mara, is a nurse in a field hospital. Her father, Peter, makes exquisite hats. Sometimes, the reader is able to understand how these characters and their stories connect but often the links are not explicit, and often, I struggled to find the common thread. As you would expect from a poet, it is lyrical and flows nicely, but it just was not story telling that resonates with me.

Gin et Gingembre

I have been remiss in posting cocktails, it is true. This one is a keeper, and well worth laying in a bottle of the Domaine de Canton (which is a flavorful liquor all on it's own). 2oz Gin 1oz Domaine de Canton 3/4 oz mint simple syrup 1 oz lemon juice Shake with ice; strain into coupe; garnish with mint sprigs. Enjoy!

The Safekeep by Yael Van der Wouten

I read this because it was short listed for the 2024 Booker Prize, and if it weren't for how spectacular a book James is, this would be my choice to win. The book is set in post-WWII Netherlands and it deals with the reckoning with what happened. Isabel is the main character, and she is emotionally complicated and very buttoned down and inhibited--she is a figure seething with resentments and desires that she keeps, rigidly and violently, in check. She lives in the house in which she grew up and in which her mother died, in a small town 15 years after the end of the war, obsessively cleaning and polishing the tableware and other objects that her mother loved while ruling tyrannically over the meek local girl who is her maid. When her socially confident and womanizing brother – who has been promised the house as his inheritance, making Isabel’s residence there tenuous and time-limited – leaves the country for several weeks, he brings his new girlfriend, the vivacious and flamboyant Eva, to live with Isabel, threatening to loosen or to sever the tight coils into which she has wound her existence. Both Isabel and I did not see what was coming from Eva, and it is a really enjoyable twist in the plot that comes to a satisfying conclusion.