Reflections on a Middle Child

Stereotypes about middle children are hardly flattering. They're often described as confused underachievers, overshadowed by older and younger siblings, and overlooked by their parents.

I have two middle children (way to maximize an oft maligned group, I know--my spouse is a middle child, and the offspring were decidedly his idea), and one of them has a birthday today.  I am reminded of what one of friends so aptly said--I cannot believe this man was once inside my body.  Seriously?  It seems so improbable now.

In thinking about middle children, I read about some really good things about being in the middle of a sibship.  One is that you get to be better at negotiating.  Why?  Because it is the only strategy open to you.  The eldest child tends to have a certain amount of authority based solely on being older, and they also tend to be physically larger--so they get their way through brute force or just because they are the parent's default option. The youngest tends to  get  upset if they don't get their way.--and the parents are exhausted from holding the line against the other kids, and realize that they no longer need to set a good example, as this is the youngest kid.  Just give in is a common parental strategy for youngest children.  For the middle child, neither of those strategies are available. So they often get very good at negotiating, figuring out what the other person wants and needs, and then managing to get them what they want and what the middle child themselves want at the same time. And, of course, one of the things that middle children often want is peace and calm and quiet and for everybody to get along. And so those traits then serve them well when they leave the family.  That sums up this middle child as an adult.  Joyeux Anniversaire, mon fils.  Go forth into the world and spread an eery calm upon all that you meet.