The Structure of Mourning

We had a service in our home last night, and it was a comfort. People we celebrate the High Holidays and Passover with came to pray and to eat. It is a move back to the life we had last week, but not too drastic a move. Jewish tradition guides observers to properly mourn the passing of a loved one, and sets the practices and rituals that facilitate expression of feelings of loss and grief. At the same time, however, it establishes a sequence of time frames through which the intensity of our mourning becomes progressively less, from the most intense mourning that is observed in the hours after a death, to the seven-day "shivah" observed following the burial, to the 30-day shloshim period, and finally to the first year after death, when the grave is marked, and the the mourning is officially over.
Mourning is a show of respect to the departed and to his or her place in our lives--it is not for us, it is for them that we observe these rituals. It is required to mourn, but there are also boundaries to mourning. To not mourn at all, or to plunge into an abyss of grief and remain trapped on its bottom--both these extremes are detrimental, both to the living and to the soul of the departed. Mourning is a crucial stage in the healing of those who experienced the loss. But the soul of the departed does not desire that those remaining in this world remain paralyzed by grief. On the contrary, the soul's greatest benefit comes from its loved ones' return to active, even joyous life, in which their feelings of love and veneration translate into deeds that honor the departed soul and attest to its continuing influence in our world.
The Judeo-Christian world was created in seven days. When creation is reversed and the human soul returns to its source, that, too, is marked with a week's cycle: the Shivah, seven days which the closest relatives (sons, daughters, mothers, fathers, sisters, brothers, spouses) devote exclusively to mourning the soul's departure, and the extended family, friends and community comfort them with their presence, their empathy, and their words of consolation. As a daughter-in-law, I am amongst the support staff.
We are commanded mourn, but also to set boundaries to our mourning. The traditional words spoken to the mourner during Shivah are: "May G‑d console you, together with all mourners."