My father-in-law died yesterday. On the 4th of July. Already I miss him. Since his cancer diagnosis 18 months ago he has been very active, planning his life rather than waiting for his death, but I think we all felt it was too soon for him to die. Much too soon. Many more things to complete. I started this blog when I did in order to have him see it.
I miss his candor. He was practical, even when it was unpleasant.
I miss his protection of his loved ones. He did what he could to make life for those he loved more comfortable.
I miss his voice--a mixture of gruff and warm.
But I especially miss knowing that he is there. The conversations I have with him in the future will be ones where I will have figure out what he would tell us.
If I could talk with him, what would I say?
I guess the last conversation you have with someone should be about what you want to thank them for.
I want to thank him most of all for being a father. That is the trait about him that will live on in generations to come. It is also an incredibly difficult job, and while the bar we hold for motherhood is very high, there is a paradigm to try to live up to. For fathers I think the paradigm is less clear. Irv was financially supportive to the point of generosity, he was unfailingly emotionally supportive of his children, he was free with his opinions but did not demand that they be followed, he ran interference between warring parties, and he was involved in the life of his family, even when it was unpleasant to be so. He tried very hard and he was very successful, and I am glad that Judiasm gives a structure for grieving his loss, because otherwise I wouldn't know where to begin to honor him. Y'hei sh'lama raba min sh'maya.
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