Chemotherapy and Hair

One of the realities of having a really bad cancer is that you are almost certainly going to lose your hair in an attempt not to lose your life.  That seemed like an acceptable cost, and when I learned that 90% of women who get my chemotherapy regimen lose their hair in the first cycle of chemotherapy, I got ready.  I went on line and ordered some scarves that I could see myself wearing.  I looked up a wig shop in town and went in and picked out the one I could live with and ordered it.  Then I went to get my hair cut to look like the wig so that I could get used to it.  And I didn't consider doing any sort of hair sparing therapy.

Then I went through my first round of chemotherapy.
I lost about half my hair, and I got to thinking about it.  I have never done anything to my hair.  I barely brush it.  How was I going to pull off a wig, no matter how much people told me they loved theirs, when I had never given my hair a second thought?  And while I was pretty sure that I could rock the scarf look at home and socially, but at work I would almost certainly need a wig.  Could I really pull that off?  Would I be more comfortable with just my thin hair?  So I borrowed a cold cap system to keep your hair.  You have these caps on dry ice (meaning unbelievably cold) and you switch them out every 30-60 minutes while you are getting chemotherapy so that your hair follicles freeze and don't get exposed to the chemotherapy.  It seems to work and is done often in Europe.  I was at a disadvantage, in that my chemotherapy was infused over 24 hours, which is an awfully long time, but that ultimately didn't matter because I could not tolerate the cold for an hour.  It was excruciatingly painful, and while I was trying to contemplate another day of this pain, then repeating it again, I completely got my head wrapped around what I would have to do about hair loss, because I could not manage what it would take to keep it!

Red Army (2015)

This is an odd documentary about the Red Army hockey system, and a group of players who were stars for them in that system for years.  They then all went to play for hockey teams in the the United States, where it largely did not work out as they had hoped that it would, and many of them returned to work in the Russian hockey system today.

The film is at it's best juxtaposing the well orchestrated, almost ballet like skating of the Russian team of that era.  They were superb athletes who were highly trained as a team and they were a vision to watch.  But then there was the darker side of that story.  They were all taken from their families as children, they were more or less forbidden from having personal lives, and one of their coaches had sadistic tendencies, all of which juxtaposed against the beauty and artistry  is food for thought.  The other thing I really liked about this is that it demonstrated that hockey does not have to be a stick high, board bashing game,  It can be much like soccer on ice, with a little bit of that, but not enough to draw a lot of blood or make it really ugly.  This is uneven but worth watching.

Matryoshka Nesting Dolls

I know, it is kind of silly, but I find these nesting dolls to be fascinating.  And even though they came to Russia via Japan, they are everywhere to be found in Russia, and so many sorts to choose from.  So yes, I did have to spend an inordinate time on my summer trip to Russia immersed in the culture that surrounds these nesting dolls.
I am not a big fan of the extravagantly numbered dolls nesting.  I rather like the sets that are five, which is definitely on the diminutive size, although looking into shop windows and seeing these gigantic dolls that go on to birth thirty two ever diminishingly small versions of the original is something to behold, it was not something that fascinated me.  The variety of painting styles, especially in the particularly finely made versions, was something that I loved.  The faces are what hold the attraction for many, but for me it is the stomach design and the babushka.  The most common abdominal adornment is flowers, but my two favorites were the iconic onion domes building paintings, and best of all, the fairy tales.  The two that I brought home had a different component of a Russian fairy tales painted on each doll, bringing in a part of Russia's past that reaches farther back than the Matryoshka doll.  And of course they had beautiful head scarves as well.

The Alarming Rate of Deconditioning

I had been sailing along the rim of deconditioning for about a month, able to avoid acknowledging it's existence because I was able to keep physically active each day on the treadmill or by taking walks and because I was eating just enough protein to keep myself out of a serious deficit.
Then I got a systemic infection, where my blood pressure was so low they would not allow me out of bed without assistance, I was getting fluids at a rate that literally gushed into my veins, and I had enough little bags of antibiotics hanging from my IV pole that I would be hard pressed to ague that I was doing well.  Fortunately, the antibiotics did the trick, I got enough fluid to hydrate two or three people, and my blood pressure came up to a level that reassured my doctor that I did not need to go to the intensive care unit.  But what suffered in all of this was my appetite.  All the extra fluid accumulated in my abdomen, which made food extremely unappealing and pretty hard to keep down.  So for several days I went with little protein and suddenly I can barely move.  Stairs?  Are you joking?  Even going from sitting to standing can seem like a chore.  I had to break out the whey and make ultra protein smoothies in an attempt to regain my baseline level of function, and after only a few days of debilitation.  I am on the road back to strength and vitality, but now I know, it can vanish in an instant.

If I Were You (2012)

This movie was recommended to me by my sister-in-law, and it was a good choice.  I have been trying to stay away from things that are too serious or too deep, and this is neither of those, without being just another romantic comedy.
The set up is one you have heard before.  Husband is having an affair with a young and beautiful woman, and his wife finds out.  She finds out he is working late, so she stops at their favorite cafe to get him a piece of his favorite cake to surprise him when he comes home, only she is the one surprised, because he is there snuggling with said mistress.  She calls him again, hoping he won't answer the phone, that she is mistaken, but she is not.  The husband gets spooked, thinks his wife suspects something, and leaves, with mistress in tow.  She encourages him to end it, and he tells her what we all know, which is that he has not intention of doing so.  He likes to have that proverbial cake and eat it too.
What happens next is the twist.  The wife follows the mistress, supports her in her misery, and they become allies of sorts, and eventually friends.  It is a quirky, funny, likable movie that goes places you wouldn't expect, and that are quite enjoyable.

Chicken Magic Miracle Soup

It has been pointed out that you might in fact need a professional chef to cook some of these recipes, and that if you are taking care of yourself as a cancer patient, this might not be a good source.  However, I had been struggling with eating in general and finding food that had dimple but delicious flavors that appealed enough to me to plow through my low level nausea to try.  This soup was perfect.  I had a bout of dehydration and my doctor warned me that water alone was not going to keep me out of trouble, that I also needed salt, and this is a very good way to combat that part of the problem as well.

• 6 carrots unpeeled, cut into thirds

• 2 whole yellow onions unpeeled, cut into chunks

• 2 whole leek white and green parts, cut into thirds

• 1 bunch celery including the heart, cut into thirds

• 4 whole red potatoes unpeeled and quartered

• 2 whole Japanese or regular sweet potatoes unpeeled and quartered

• 1 whole garnet yam unpeeled and quartered

• 6 cloves garlic unpeeled and halved

• 1 bunch fresh flat-leaf parsley

• 1 strip kombu about 6-inches in length

• 2 whole organic chicken carcass or 4 pounds of chicken bones

• 2 tbsp vinegar or freshly squeezed lemon juice

• 12 whole black peppercorns

• 6 whole juniper berries or allspice berries

• 4 whole bay leaves

• 2 tsp sea salt

• 8 qt cold water filtered

1	Rinse all of the vegetables well, including the kombu.
2	Across 2 large stockpots (I use a dutch oven and pressure cooker), divide the carrots, onions, leek, celery, potatoes, sweet potatoes, yam, garlic, parsley, kombu, vinegar, and chicken carcass.
3	Season each pot with the peppercorns, juniper berries, bay leaves, and sea salt.
4	Fill the pot with the water to 2 inches below the rim, cover, and bring to a boil.
5	Decrease the heat to low and skim the scum from the surface of the broth. Simmer, uncovered, for a total of at least 4 hours; simmer for longer if possible. Check the broth and stir it from time to time. As the broth simmers, some of the water will evaporate; add more water if the bones or veggies begin to peek out.
6	Set the mesh strainer over the glass measuring cups, line the strainer with paper towels, then strain the stock through it. (It's usually easier to strain the broth while it's still warm.) Replace the paper towels when they start to clog.
7	Pour the broth into storage containers, cool to room temp, then store in either the freezer or fridge. Your delicious broth will keep in the freezer for a few months or in the fridge for 5 days.
8	To defrost from frozen, run some hot water around the container to loosen it, then transfer it into a saucepan. Warm it over the stove until it's fully melted and heated through.

Two Steps Forward, One Step Backwards

When one is on a long journey it is very important to remember the key word is long.  All the progress does not need to be made at the beginning, and if things don't go smoothly in the short run, all that means is that things are not going smoothly in the short run.  Even though I was in school for a very long time to get my professional education, and I should clearly understand the concept of delayed gratification and the makings of a long term plan, it is easy to forgot those things when faced with the real and present danger of health risks.  The bad news is that responding to those dangers does not help at all.  In fact, at times it can hurt, because there is a lot of evidence that optimism is at least one ingredient in successful outcomes.

I don't exactly know how that works, but I do think that if you are going through something that is really hard, it is alot easier to tolerate if you have hope that it will be successful.  The other thing that I don't understand is how people praying for you helps in substantive ways, even if they don't know you and you don't even know they are praying for you can help, but there is evidence for that too.  So being cherished, by yourself and others, is an important piece of healing and try not to lose sight of that, even when it is all too easy to do.

Rebecca (1940)

this movie probably played better at the time that it was made than it does now.  A young woman with no prospects who is working as a companion for an elderly wealthy woman meets an older widower who is staying at the same resort and they fall in love.  She has true affection for the man, and when he asks her to marry him, she enthusiastically agrees.  they have a picture perfect honeymoon and then they return to his ancestral home, where his wife was killed in a drowning accident and the house staff can't seem to say enough wonderful things about her and how much they miss her.  The young girl is social inexperienced and her new husband does nothing to help her adjust.
As a result, things quickly go from bad to worse.  The head house keeper tries to get Rebecca to kill herself, then tries to make her paranoid, and finally the husband confesses all to Rebecca.  That he is not destitute about his wife's death, and together they manage to muddle through the ordeal, but really, he should have just gotten rid of all the staff, sold off the house and moved on.  Much better life, even if the movie would have been dull as dish water, and Hitchcock would never have made it.  This is a good early film of his.

In Flanders Field by John McRae

It is once again time to reflect on our country's military veterans, those who have fought and died in the service of their country.  This year I have chosen a simple poem, one that goes straight to many of the complex emotions that I feel when I contemplate issues that are really bigger than I can get my head around on a daily basis.

I am particularly struck by those who are the peace keepers.  There is so much malevolence at work in the world today, so much violence that there are refugees streaming across Europe to escape.  May those in service to their country in missions of peace come home both safe and unharmed.

In Flanders Field

In Flanders fields the poppies blow
Between the crosses, row on row,
That mark our place; and in the sky
The larks, still bravely singing, fly
Scarce heard amid the guns below.
We are the Dead. Short days ago
We lived, felt dawn, saw sunset glow,
Loved and were loved, and now we lie
In Flanders fields.
Take up our quarrel with the foe:
To you from failing hands we throw
The torch; be yours to hold it high.
If ye break faith with us who die
We shall not sleep, though poppies grow
In Flanders fields.

Historical Wooden Buildings, Suzdal, Russia

This is a gorgeous little town, with 30+ churches to see, and very quaint.  If you are in the Golden Ring, you must not miss it.
People were living in Suzdal area already in the beginning of the 9th century, they were doing crafts and cultivating their land. The settlement had trade relationship with the northern countries (Germany) and with the Central Asia.  In historical chronicles of ancient Russia Suzdal was first mentioned in 1024, when Yaroslav Mudry, the Kiev prince, came there to suppress the riot.
Since the beginning of the 11th centrury, Suzdal was the capital of Rostov-Suzdal principality, which had the territory from the river Volga on the east to Smolensk on the west (Moscow was also part of this principality).   During the Tartar time, Suzdal was partially demolished and ransacked by Tartars, as was almost everywhere else. Because of the vulnerable location, close to the settlements of the enemy, Suzdal was loosing its strong position and Moscow was gaining importance. So in the beginning of the 16th century, Suzdal became part of Moscow principality.
In the 18-19th centuries Suzdal became an important religious center of Russia, still keeping its positions as the center of crafts and trade.

there's a museum of Russian wooden architecture and the peasant's mode of life. Wooden churches, peasant's houses (izbas), mills, a barn, a well from all over Vladimir region's villages were brought here in the 1960s. For example, there's a richly decorated, poly-tier Preobrazhenskaya church, which was built in 1756, a typical Russian village church.
Next to the church there are typical wooden houses, mostly built in the 19th century. you can get inside to see the interiors (opened from May to October).
The mills and barns date back to the 18-19th centuries.  These are the simple churches of old Russia.