Shared Experiences

What we share with our offspring is not always all that it is cracked up to be.  Today is my youngest son's birthday.  He is now 16 years out from his cancer diagnosis, and well on his way to college graduation.  That is certainly something to be grateful for.  This is his first birthday since I too have a diagnosis of cancer and while I know for a fact that it is easier to have cancer than to have a child with it, I also feel his vulnerability and sense of loss.

When I was diagnosed he was devastated.  He knew exactly how hard it was going to be for me to get through chemotherapy (and he wasn't wrong about that, although at the time I thought it was going to be okay.  I did not sail as smoothly through those waters as he did).  He also knows exactly how much he needs me, and the thought of losing me made him almost inconsolable.  We have both made a lot of emotional progress since those early days, but on this day, his day, I just allow myself to be sad, to have a good cry about life and it's unpredictability, and then to think about all the good things we have, that we would not be here today to cry about if not for modern advances in medicine,. and to celebrate what we have.