All the Children Became Adults

After 24 years of parenting children, we find ourselves without any actual children. Our youngest turned 18, and while we afford all four of our offspring some form of financial support, they are no longer legally children. So what does that mean? If we are still laying out cash, has our role really changed all that much. We are still their parents. Well, I think it does mean something. The process of transitioninig to an adult relationship between parent and child is complex, and no less prone to pitfalls than any of the other stages that the relationship goes through. I have seen a lot of things that I don't want to do, and not enough examples of what I would like to see happen. Mostly I am just caught off guard. I could easily have anticipated this. But I didn't translate my youngest turning 18 to 'we no longer have children'. Adult offspring sounds so much older than I feel--but as they say, if the shoe fits, wearing it seems most appropriate. This week has made me think of something someone said to me when my children were still in grammar school. I ran into her at a party, and I asked the ever polite question about how things had been going. She sighed, and said they had spent a week with her family, followed immediately by a week with her husband's family. She noted on the one hand that it was good to see them, and that there had been no major dramas, but that on the other hand it really hadn't been much of a vacation. More of an obligation and less about relaxation. And then came the kicker. She asked me how we could avoid having our children feel this way about us. Oh no. I have no idea. Maybe it is inevitable, that the nature of the relationship doesn't lend itself to that experience. But it is good to keep this in mind. How to make our relationship about enjoyment of each other. That is the challenge. A good reminder that even though parents have been raising children since the beginning of time, there are no manuals about how to do it right.