Appearances

I have never thought of myself as a particularly vain person, and so when I was diagnosed with cancer and knew that one of the chemotherapy agents that i would receive would cause my hair to fall out, I wasn't particularly worried.  I had very little time between my diagnosis and my initial surgery, but in those few days I got my hair cut, bought a wig that matched my new hair cut and bought several caps and scarves for the six months ahead.  It was going to be winter in iowa and I needed some head coverage, but I wasn't worried about my appearance.

Then I thought some more about it, and I get why people worry.  It is not so much how you perceive yourself as how others perceive you.  That is the rub.  If you go with the caps and the scarves or the au natural look, there is going to be knowledge about yourself that is conveyed instantly.  Is that what you want and can you handle it?  I have been grappling with that of late, and it is a lot more complicated than I gave it credit for.  I opted for the wig when I met with my boss recently, and while I am still trying to wrap my head around it (so to speak), I did get three compliments of my new "haircut".  More on this as I experiment with various looks, but it is a new phasse of illness for me.