Tuesday, September 27, 2016
The good part is that while it was a terrible way to get terrible news, it in no way delayed my care. I met my oncologist the next day and had surgery that week. The bad part is that I am not even sure that there was a better way for it to have gone. And the worst part is that no matter what, you really are pretty all alone in those moments, whether there are people there or not. It felt devastating at the time, but I am pretty sure that is how it would have been period.
So here I am a year later. I never got this before my son was diagnosed with cancer, but anniversaries of difficult events become, well, a reliving of the difficult event. Some of it can be on your mind, like the fact that I am writing about this is the conscious part of it, but there is the unconscious part that is so much harder to grapple with. How much of what I am feeling and have been feeling is related to the anniversary and how much is just that things are hard? I really can't tell. But I do get why people have these anniversary reactions.